The 2013 American Music Awards

I'm always up for an awards show, and once again the 2013 American Music Awards did not disappoint. For some reason, I found it to be much more entertaining than many of these shows in the past. For one, Lady Gaga showed up to the Red Carpet on a human horse. Yaaas Gaga yaaaaas! Jennifer Lawrence did not trip up the stairs nor did Kanye interrupt Taylor, but Pitbull removed his sunglasses, JT went a bit country, Lil Mama brought it back with blue hair and some spice, and Marc Anthony won Favorite Latin Artist over Prince Royce (I was shocked too!) The list of artists and fame whores was diverse- even Rico appeared to see Hannah Montana I mean Miley own the stage in her jazzercise outfit. Hosted by Mr. World Wide himself (Pitbull), the show included almost as many international artists as American. Ironic. Or should I say iconic? Haha, because Rihanna won the first-ever Icon Award. Anyway.

The show started out with Katy Perry performing "Unconditionally." She was wearing a kimono and toe socks, and the theme of the performance was very anime. I just love her unrelated stage set ups. Queen. Ke$ha took to the stage with "Timber", wearing an ensemble showing less skin than usual. Modest is hottest Kesh! Mr. World Wide joined her with his sunglasses and rhythmically mumbled something that's probably degrading to women. Lady Gaga and R. Kelly put on a PG-verging-on-PG-13 performance of "Do What U Want", acting out the scandalous relationship between JFK and Marilyn Monroe. Christina Aquilera sang some song, but I think I was in the bathroom during that. I'm not a big fan of Ariana Grande's recorded music, but she slayed. Her performance was flawless and we should all attend whatever quinceañera she is dressed up for. Florida Georgia Line and Kendrick Lamar performed also, but I wasn't paying attention to either of those.

Jennifer Lopez's performance brought us to believe that she is the Latina version of Beyoncé. And Miley's performance was surprisingly tame, minus the large space cat projected on the screen behind her. She's honestly so talented. She just brings on the haters when she dyes her eyebrows blonde and gives us all recurring stress dreams of that terrifying image.



The question on all of our minds was "where's Justin Bieber?" I don't think he gets invited to these things anymore. Too busy writing songs about Selena. Wah wah. Whatever, One Direction won all categories they were nominated for and that's all that matters. Their performance was lovely, with rustic lights illuminating their already luminous presence. Harry has recently began screaming his lyrics which I think is nice, but idk. Liam looked like Justin Timberlake. Niall revealed some chest hair. Zayn's eyes sparkled. And Louis' hair looked perfectly unwashed.

Macklemore was live-streamed from Miami where he sang and body thrusted to "Can't Hold Us" in a crowd of sweaty, probably liberal, young adults. What's a 2013 award show without Macklemore's grunts taking up a few minutes? God bless him.

Kendall and Kylie showed up with their plethora of musical talent. Just kidding, they just showed up. Don't be h8ing, they're allowed to be anywhere they want since they're perfection and royalty and Scott Disick is their brother-in-law. It's hard sometimes because they make more money by breathing than most of us will ever make with a college education. Sigh. Moving on.

TLC brought it back with "Waterfalls", most likely sending JT into a Nsync relapse. The 90s were great years to live through, weren't they?



Taylor Swift ended the night by beating Macklemore, Justin Timberlake, Rihanna, and Bruno Mars with her win of Artist-of-the-Year. She gave a pretty awkward acceptance speech, but were we expecting anything else?








All in all, 'twas a fab three hour entertainment feat. Congratulations to all the artists who have a big enough following to win almost every award without having the full amount of talent to do so. See you next year!

xoxo, Justin Bieber's lost invitation