TFIOS Review

My five cents on TFIOS 

by Clarissa

The highly anticipated “romance of the decade” has made its debut. And it was brilliant. I loved it. It was very true to the book in most ways. Shailene Woodley (who is so much cooler than Jennifer Lawrence) played a realistic Hazel, and Ansel Elgort played a mediocre Augustus. I say this because 1) I pictured Augustus much differently in my mind; definitely darker hair, a more powerful presence, etc. and 2) Gus is supposed to be an intellectual – I felt like Ansel was convincing, but was not a convincing intellectual. He said his lines like they were not his own, and everything he said with a smile which was slightly annoying. But alas, I applaud him for his overall very good portrayal of Gus. Though I love The Fault in Our Stars and consider John Green a brilliant human, I feel that sad feelings and enormous emotion accompany this book. Nearly everyone who read the book claims to have “cried for days” and so on. I didn’t cry when I read the book. There’s nothing wrong with that. I still felt sad inside. But, the franchise and “idea” about TFIOS is that if you don’t cry, you’re hardly human. And I got the feeling that if you didn’t cry in the movie, you’re an abomination to society. Pack your tissues. What I’m saying is: It’s not a competition. No one cares how much you cried, but good for you if you did. In the movie, my eyes did water and I cried at the last montage. Montages stab you real hard. The casting, music, directing and everything else was very enjoyable to watch as there was no dull moment. I decided before I watched the movie was that if the acting was not convincing, I wasn’t going to cry. But the acting, though cheesy at times, was very real. That’s another reason John Green is brilliant – the words he write are innately human, simple, and real – they’re stories that could be going on right now. The movie was also funny without cracking any cringe worthy jokes. It was funny without trying to be. I felt bad, sometimes I would be laughing at the most inappropriate times while the theatre was making the floor slippery with their tears. And some scenes were immensely moving. In my opinion, when Hazel struggles up the stairs at Anne Frank’s house, that struck a nerve. Overall, 4/5 stars. Final word: I want to be Shailene Woodley’s friend and slow dance with Ansel Elgort. 

No sense 

by Zara

I have a small nagging inner conflict with teeny-bop literature. On one hand, I love it and I think it is beneficial because it gets the pubescents reading, and often times it tells a great story. On the other hand, it is not the best literature out there. However, John Green is a great storyteller and person, and his books seem to be hella relatable to the youth. The Fault in Our Stars was no exception. While I found parts of the book to be sappy and cliché (I DON’T BELIEVE IN LOVE), I thought the story made good points and made the reader think a little more deeply about life and love. The characters were well-developed, realistic, and likeable, and that definitely translated onto the big screen. The movie was well-made although the director (Josh Boone) looks like Randall from Monsters Inc. Like Clarissa said, there were parts that were kinda like eh, but for the most part it was entertaining and kept the audience engaged and sobbing, which again, like Clarissa said, was something e v e r y o n e was doing. I think people were already making themselves cry before it actually started. I didn’t cry in the book, but movies do tend to make me cry more, so yes, I did cry, but only for like five minutes unlike the entire movie (AVA) (<3). Shailene Woodley is a very convincing crier and that made me cry harder, although Clarissa and I laughed at some inappropriate times as well. Augustus Waters was almost as charming as he was in the book. I love Ansel, bless him, but first of all, he sounds like he’s part of the Von Trapp family, and secondly he played Gus a bit more cocky than I thought he was in the book. I pictured Gus to be taller, a tad darker, curlier hair, and more inquisitive. But overall, Ansel portrayed him well. My favorite character though was Isaac because Nat Wolff. I love Nat and Alex Wolff of the Naked Brothers Band and I was thrilled to see Nat in an onscreen production. I think he’s adorably awkward and funky. Also, I think he’d play a perfect Pudge if and when they make Looking For Alaska. My overall score: 4.5/5. Also Clarissa is right about Shailene being cooler than Jennifer, although Jennifer is perfect but also overrated by the youth. 

Me while watching TFIOS:

TFIOS

If you haven't at least heard of The Fault in Our Stars by now you must really be hipster and/or illiterate. From Tyler Oakley to Coffee Dave (although not confirmed) to Ian Davies, everyone is giving this New York bestseller a good read. Probably even Oprah too, but I couldn't get ahold of her. John Green is probably the Teen Whisperer because his books have got all the pubescents reading.

The storyline is fairly simple: two teenagers fall in love and it's cliché and wonderful, except that both of them have cancer and will eventually have to face their mortality. But their love extends beyond their illness, and it's heart-wrenching and probably not too unlikely if your relationship was written in the stars omg. I don't believe in fairytale love, but I do believe in John Green (I saw him with my own two eyeballs last summer!!!) The story is a tear jerker for most, but it wasn't for me. I didn't cry at all, but I did leave with a heavy heart and clogged arteries.

I wouldn't say that there are any faults in the stars they chose to play the characters, except that I did think Isaac was blond and not Nat Wolff, and Augustus was more gallant and suave than Ansel Elgort. Shailene Woodley is a fallen deity so no problem there.

Let's talk about Shailene. I don't know if I want to be her or be her best friend. First of all, I've loved her since the beginning when she played Felicity in the American Girl Doll movie. Felicity was my first American Girl Doll so it's nostalgic. Secondly, she was in the Secret Life of the American Teenager for years and that show never got that popular, I don't know why because it was great. Third of all, she pulls off a better pixie cut than Chace Crawford AND collects her own spring water AND makes her own toothpaste AND everything she owns fits into a carry-on suitcase. Please. We are all so basic compared to her.

I dreamt of Ansel during my mid-morning nap today. He's also kind of perfect and is now on my top 10.

Anyway, the movie comes out this Friday and I'll be seeing it more times than Kim Kardashian's been married.

Oh, and my new all time favorite Ed Sheeran song, "All of the Stars" is on the soundtrack, which I've just got word that my friend bought for me at the Mall of America!

Imagine writing a book that you're so proud of, and a few years later getting to watch it transform onto the screen. That's part of the reason why I'm so excited for this movie. And also for Paper Towns because they've announced they're making a movie of that too! GOD BLESS YOU JOHN GREEN (did you know he's also an avid youtuber and the founder of VidCon???)

So I leave you with this:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9ItBvH5J6ss&feature=kp

and this:

xoxo,

Z

FRIDAY FAVORITES

The second week of summer break has come and gone very slowly. It feels like it's been a full month, ugh. There is only so much you can do in town before you sign yourself up for an online class at the local community college and go gluten-free. So, out of sheer boredom and lack of wheat, here is a list of some of my favorite things that I've been liking as of late.

Favorite outfit/look:

Favorite floral decoration: 

Favorite person: 

Favorite drink:
Iced spicy chai, made with coconut milk

Favorite underrated activity: 

Favorite quote:

"If I had a flower for every time I thought of you, I could walk through my garden forever." 

-Alfred Lord Tennyson

Favorite song:

See the World by The Kooks

xoxo,

Z

thehalcyonicyears.tumblr.com

Having Your Cake and Eating It Too: The Lucky Girl’s Guide to Getting What You Want

Stuck in a rut? Had your leg recently amputated? Learned your ancestors were slave owners? Well look no further. We are here to help you in all areas of your life and help you get exactly what you want, when you want. 

1. You want that guy to like you? Well you’ve come to the wrong place for that, maybe check out A Smart Girl’s Guide to Boys by American Girl. I will say though, shower regularly, get a perm, and brush up on your foreign languages because every American guy is a big fat duck.
2. Want to have lots of money? Pay with hugs and kisses. Or learn to save your money, you stereotypical American over-consumer! You’d probably be a millionaire by now if it weren’t for those tupperware sets and that BoFlex 500 impulse buy.
3. Want to expand your social life? Go to college ragers. Specifically Ivy League ragers, where they wear Tevas, drink alcohol at all hours of the day, and discuss foreign agenda. 
4. Want to make more friends? Make a LinkedIn account, a Google+ account, and go to neighborhood meetings and meet that one mom who has gone through too many vans and orders creamer and fish sticks from Schwans delivery trucks.
5. Want people to like you a bit more? Stop ordering an iced latte with the ice on the side. And maybe get rid of those nervous eyes and seasons 1-6 of Seinfeld on box set (jk keep those they will be worth so much in coming years.)
6. Want toned thighs? So do I. 
7. Want to be sexy? Girls- less is more. Also, make sure a guy catches you in the dentists office reading Family Circle and Better Homes and Gardens. This will make you seem like wife material. Guys- sit in a coffee shop and write in your journal and post American poems on Instagram- show your sensitive side. As long as you are poetic and philosophical and occasionally shop at REI, the world is your oyster. 
8. Want to keep your healthy scalp? Use Head & Shoulders (knees and toes), and coconut oil & greek yogurt hair masks to deflake those lil suckers.
9. Want to keep your insides up and running? Go gluten-free. No seriously, it’s life changing. Also kombucha, hemp seeds, coconut water, hot yoga, and fresh air (on NPR) will keep those organs nice and tuned.
10. Slowly decomposing away? Losing your wits and nuts and bolts? Here’s how to keep your youth: laughter is everywhere and it can help you live longer. Take care of your body and find time for yourself and those who matter most. You will learn that there is no love like a mother’s love and no time like the present. Look up from your phone, stop instagramming that garbage and go plant some plants or simply relax in a tube. 
11. (#10 continuation) Want to keep your youth? Go with the flow, with the waters. Don’t have a stick up your rear. Enjoy good wine, bad television, and don’t forget to pumice your feet. (Yes, that is what that thing does. Now use it!)
12. Want to keep your lips extra kissable? Use rose salve or Vaseline every night before bed or whenever necessary. Keep those puckers extra soft and at the ready (to bite into your next gluten-free meal.)
13. Want to rid of that weird rash? Me too.
14. Want to retain moisture in your hands? Well, let me tell you about a new feat I’ve just recently discovered. Use your remaining coffee grounds as an exfoliant. It smooths and moisturizes, leaving your hands extra soft and ready to hold anyone’s hand or pet the nearest puppy. 
15. Want to be the next Oprah? Michelle Obama? Barbara Walters? As if!!!!!
16. Want to graduate college with a 4.0? Get off your phone and open a book for one. Go to class, make valuable connections in your department, travel abroad, get an internship, and steer clear of that questionable “fish” in the dining hall. I ate some of that once, and now I have to settle for a 3.9. Srsly though, if you really want something in life, nothing is stopping you (except for the on-campus bike police). 
17. Want to be the change you see in the world? Stop repeating that timeworn quote and actually do something you see no one else doing. 
18. Want to be more intellectually minded? Learn the art of being bored. It is okay to be bored and left alone with your thoughts rather than cluttering it with technological noise. Also surround yourself with people who encourage intellectual banter. And NPR is always a good idea (especially Wait, Wait, Don’t Tell Me! with Carl Kassell and Peter Sagal.)
19. Want to live simply? Buy some overalls, plant some begonias, turn on some bluegrass, read your Bible, meditate, make a cup of french press coffee. Be mindful and present.
20. Want to have a life? Don’t sit in your basement writing a list of success tips. 

*If you do all of this within the next 24 hours, you should see results. If not, call our complaint hotline at 

1-800-IMREADYTOPARTY

The Dos & Don'ts of Your College Freshman Year

Freshman year flew by. Come back, come back, I whisper to it. You will find yourself at the end of it contemplating all the laughs and memories you've had. Clarissa and I have compiled a list of advice and mediocre wisdom for incoming college freshman. 

1. Don’t send the president of your university a letter signed by “your peasants” 
2. If you get your TA’s number, call him. A lot. 
3. The best way to look your best and still eat what you want: Eat really bad but satisfying foods BUT go to the gym all the time. 
4. DO get involved with your campus television station (even if that means holding a camera in place for an hour and a half) because the people you will be working under will move to LA and work for Ellen, E! news, Buzzfeed, etc.
5. DO go to parties, even if you’re uncomfortable. - C
6. DON'T go to parties, especially if you’re uncomfortable. -Z
7. Don’t leave a party 5 minutes in and walk across town to a coffee shop without telling your friends. They will be mad.
8. DO stay up till 3 a.m. in lounges with your friends. 
9. DO make friends with the ones who look “weird.” They have the most interesting things to say. 
10. DO support on-campus food trucks.
11. It’s best not to find your professor attractive, even if he is. 
12. DON’T post on social media that you find him attractive. His daughter might see and feel weird.
13. DON’T panic if you see your professor at the gym. 
14. DON’T feel bad for changing. That’s what college will do to you. Embrace it and remove those from your life who shame you for growing as an individual. 
15. Spend some time people watching. 
16. Take drives to scenic areas and take a break. 
17. If the universe presents the opportunity to talk to a cute boy, take the opportunity. Or else you will be single and alone at the end of the year.
18. DO go on sprang break with the best people you know. 
19. If you can skinny dip outside of a presidential candidate’s home, do it.
20. Meet and become friends with at least one person from every floor in your dorm. 
21. Make friends with people from housing & dining (Carter), & always be gracious when they serve you mediocracy in the form of food.
22. If you see a person eating alone, sit with him and be his friend. He might know the person who you really like, and it can be a great in. 
23. Make your dorm room homely; it doesn’t have to feel like a jail cell. 
24. Everyone will tell you before you leave that boys will flock to you when you get to college. DO. NOT. BELIEVE. THEM. They lie.
25. DON’T go into college with ANY expectations. You probably won’t make 100 new friends and boys will not fall instantly in love with you. It’s just not likely. 
26. Be comfortable being alone. 
27. Call your mom a lot.
28. Find your favorite local coffee shops and shower them with your constant business. They will love it, will remember you, and you’ll make cool friends.
29. When you see a puppy, PET IT.
30. If you have the opportunity to have sleepovers on your friends floors, do it. 
31. Always be nice to and respect your RA, and they will love you. It’s best to be good friends with your RA. 
32. In winter, you’ll need to wear every warm item of clothing you own so that your unbearable trek across campus won’t end in frostbite and hypothermia. 
33. BE FRIENDS WITH CAMPUS SQUIRRELS.
34. (In reference to #38) dress in layers, especially if you go to school in Colorado. You might leave your dorm with the sun shining and breeze lightly blowing through your greasy hair, and then it’ll be snowing when you get out of class.
35. Be okay with gaining 5-10 pounds - you’ll need extra blubber in the winter anyways.
36. DON’T complain about gaining weight. It is inevitable and there are way more important things to worry about. 
37. GO TO CLASS. GO TO EVERY CLASS. (Sorry, Horticulture 100 by Harrison Hughes)
38. Even if you wake up with sniffles and a broken back, you best get yourself to you 9:30 a.m. class. You don’t want to lose participation points. This is the real world.
39. When you schedule your classes, try to make all of them after 11 a.m. 
40. Parties are not like they are in movies. Guys aren’t that creepy, either. Everyone is usually very nice. 
41. Avoid frat houses. 
42. Always wear sunscreen, as you’ll be outside plenty.
43. Always have a full stock of disinfecting wipes, trash bags, kleenex, and toilet paper. 
44. Start a Spotify playlist at the beginning of the year and see how your music taste has changed by the end.
45. You’re allowed to be creepy, this is your time.
46. Now is the time to be out of your comfort zone.
47. If you feel the urge to yell sweet nothings at a passerby, do it. 
48. Take every opportunity to have intelligent banter with those around you. They’re worth more.
49. Try to bring your car with you, even though everyone says you don't need it. You might want to escape to the mountains every so often. 
50. College is pretty funny, especially when everyone takes themselves so seriously. So find the humor in most things because it'll fly by. 

Follow these rules and you'll be on the dean's list

Friend Crushes

It's harder to get someone to fall in love with you than it is to force friendship upon them, and that is why friend crushes are better than actual crushes. It's something I've resorted to as my heart has begun to slowly freeze over.

People in general intrigue me, and when I see or meet someone interesting I usually develop a minor or major obsession with them, depending. That is what has happened recently. A few weeks ago Clarissa met this guy who looks like Louis Tomlinson and subsequently calls him Sweet Prince. Sweet Prince has this friend who I've seen everywhere since the beginning of the semester LIKE EVERYWHERE, and I don't even try, that's the plot twist!!! And this guy, Sweet Prince's friend who I am not going to name, has another friend who I also see e v e r y w h e r e. Everywhere. All over campus and off-campus too. So it's a sign from the heavens I'm assuming.

Anyway, the point of that was I have a huge friend crush on these people because they seem like very intellectual hipsters who shower only twice a week and keep bike chain oil on a bookshelf next to their weathered copy of Beowulf. I have this longing to be their friend, to email them (because they're too hip for texting), to make homemade, vegan chai tea with them, to share poetry with them, etc. Does this even make sense? I don't know I just ate a Subway sandwich. 

My friend Abbie had a friend crush on me and I had a friend crush on her, and now she's one of my closest friends, so it does work. I did not, however, have a friend crush on Clarissa, but that was kind of written in the stars. I had a friend crush on my RA for a while, and now he's my friend. I also had a huge friend crush on Matthew and I think I'm going to marry him.

I only have one warning: friend crushes can easily manifest themselves into real crushes and then you're just screwed because one of my friend crushes is also a real crush and my knees buckled this morning when I saw him. 

There is nothing more flattering than when someone wants to be your friend, so go admit your friend crushes and avoid sending a Facebook request first, take it from personal experience.

Warmest regards,

Z

How To Deal With Unrequited Love: For Dummies

My problems are minuscule compared to most, but I do know I'm not the only person in the world who struggles with the opposite sex. The feeling you get when the one person you adore doesn't reciprocate the feeling is universal. It has to be one of the worst feelings ever, aside from stubbing your toe. Whether it be your boyfriend or girlfriend breaking up with you without sound reasoning or a parent leaving when you were young, it sucks not being wanted. IT SUCKS, she yells to an open field. I've loved many a time, and by love I mean stalking through various media outlets, haha :( We all do it, don't gIVE ME THAT FACE. I can honestly say that not one of the guys I've liked in my lifetime has liked me back, and that is not an exaggeration, ask my mom. 

There's a quote from one of my favorite movies The Holiday that puts it well: 

"...There's another kind of love: the cruelest kind. The one that almost kills its victims. Its called unrequited love. Of that I am an expert. Most love stories are about people who fall in love with each other. But what about the rest of us? What about our stories, those of us who fall in love alone? We are the victims of the one sided affair. We are the cursed of the loved ones. We are the unloved ones, the walking wounded. The handicapped without the advantage of a great parking space!"

Maybe it's our fault, the mopey, undesirable ones. Maybe if we would actually talk to that person instead of laying on our beds of pain, we'd be less soggy and more like the couples we see on Tumblr. My favorite technique to snag the dudes is to simply keep a safe distance from the predator and have my friends do the talking when we approach. I have a zero percent success rate so you'd be better off taking my friend Lyss' advice. 

If you're dealing with unrequited love, I can't give you any advice because I'm in the same boat. A banana boat, actually. On my way to Venezuela and Brazil to join the Yanomamo tribe. In 10 years I will emerge from the jungle with a hardened heart and low cholesterol. 

Love, Z