25 Days of the Unpopular: Being Single

If you know me, you'll know I'm full of self-depracating jokes that have probably already jinxed my love life. I spent the majority of my senior year either crying over this guy who never liked me back or complaining about how single I was. It was pathetically funny for a while until reality smacked me in the face and I discovered boys had cooties!!!! Cookies? No! Cooties! I actually just realized that I thoroughly enjoyed being alone. Our generation, especially the female population, has this idea that if we find a man and fall in love, our problems will suddenly disappear and we'll achieve true happiness. (I'm not saying I'm exempt from this because trust me, if Paul Rudd or JFK walked into my life, my problems would go away.) We've grown up watching Disney princesses find true love with their prince. We watched Lizzie and Gordo fall in love at the end of The Lizzie McGuire Movie. Even Juno ends up falling for awkward Paulie Bleeker and his track shorts! We're surrounded by the idea that in the end we'll fall in love and live in bliss for the rest of eternity. Well, sometimes there is no Paulie Bleeker or David Gordon in your life and you have to settle for the guy who makes omelets in the dining hall! (No offense, Teague.) The only movie I can think of off the top of my head where there's a character who ends up alone is Pretty In Pink, when Duckie is left because dumb Andie chooses appliance Blaine over him. Always a Duckie, never a Blaine, I whisper to the darkness. Also, I'm obsessed with Pretty In Pink.

Sometimes it sucks seeing all your friends get hit on when you're in the corner writing a blog about being single. But you gotta gird your loins and moisturize your shriveling ring finger and remind yourself that you're an independent woman who can open the door for herself and pay for her overpriced salads herself and hold her hand herself. (Except the other day, this guy told me I have a good complexion so maybe I'll get a New Years kiss after all!) Sadly, you don't always end up with the guy haha :( Unless your name is Alyssa Rusco and bachelors flock to you in the hundreds.

Rather than complain about your singularity like I just did, how about you celebrate your independence? It's your own independence day! Happy 4th! Congrats! Wow!

Here is a list of things that you can do when you're single that you can't do when you're in a relationship:

(compiled at 1 AM by two girls I found shivering outside singing Christmas carols)

"Dance with 10 different studs at the club without feeling guilty." -Anonymous (AKA Clarissa, who's never been to a club.)

"Suffer from turrets in peace." -Alyssa Rusco

Yell sweet nothings and throw small items at your horticulture TA.

"Lock eyes with the housing and dining service workers as they toast your sub." -Clarissa Davies

"Flash a group of Jehovah Witnesses." -Clarissa Davies

Fantasize about dead presidents. I'm not JFKidding around!

Go days without showering.

"Lust after Dylan Flippo I mean Sprouse and not feel guilty." -Mckenz... I mean Zara DeGroot

Fly to Nicaragua on impulse.

Experience the strange sense of contentment you get when you scare away yet another boy.

Constantly compare you and your friends' lives to The Inbetweeners.

Sit on a dorm room floor with your best friends and overdose on Martinelli's apple cider in goblets purchased from the $1 section at Target.

If you can do any of this whilst in a relationship, pls clone your significant other and SHARE.

On the contrary, if I get a boyfriend, I won't have any more good jokes, so idk.

The moral of this story is that if you're single, you're just fine, because I'm fine. For the most part. Not really mentally fine, but physically fine. My heart is still 3/4 whole. Really, I'm fine.